Thoughts & Feelings V.2

I can't believe I am writing in this tonight, mainly because I don't want my thoughts to be public, but I can't see myself writing in a notebook or changing the privacy status of the post, and because I don't think I have anyone else really to poor these kind of thoughts and feelings into.

recap on cool things - July 3rd Limpar, Ray, and Kate came to Chicago and we saw Octavarius ate at an amazing resteraunt called cheeses or cheezies I think or something like that and it's a place that makes gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches - it was awesome. Then we did karaoke until 3 AM - that was a GREAT night - a little before and during that time and that week I have felt love like never before, I've been reinvigorated and exercising and feeling great - but recently shortly after July 4th starting with I think July 9th, that feeling is waning, - I'm feeling very scared, unfocused, and wandering. I'm trying to be responsible and be a man, but there is a lot of fear in me. I'm feeling a general lack of focus.

This coming Sunday I have something set up that is of great importance to me, - I'm probably making it more than it needs to be, but I'm going to be seeing someone that I've wanted to see and be near for a very long time. I think that this may be where the fear is dwelling up from - Where it could be incredible, but also - this could be the start of the end of the ever existing fairy tale and situation of "what if" - I don't know if I've over glorified this situation, this person, or my feelings regarding the whole thing due to a grand mythos in my head or if it is actually warranted and real, or do I just want it to be-- We'll see I guess.

I've started a new unnamed musical side project, recorded one song, I don't really know what I am doing with it which adds to my lack of focus. I'm miserably tormented right now, I really really would like to be able to work on the Superman movie, gain experience and contacts and make some money.

I'd also like things to work - 

I'd also REALLY like to feel that love again, because right now, the feeling is rather suffocating. 

REVERB

Finally some have come, fresh melodies, full from the void, Filled with love and joy, the kind that can't be found- it finds you - Hope they stick around! Time for bed, OHL training tomorrow- Not used to getting up early! ahhh! Body still aches, but keepin the pump!

NEVER STOP THE ROCK

Meaning

Tonight I pondered the meaning of our existence. Think about it, Beyond your grandparents, or even great grandparents, we don't really KNOW anything let alone the names of the ancestors before me. Yet without their existence, I or we would not exist. People that I'll never know their names, their lives, their dreams...---and down the line, if I'm to have offspring, a few generations - will I just fade away in time's memory?

Danger

There is a strong, violent, flaming unrest building inside of me. We'll see if it diffuses or if it explodes.

I wanna feel like-